Just the thought of him kissing me sends chills through me. A year ago I thought he was the most ideal man for me. Marriage material... The last couple of months have been hard for me. I want him. I know that he cares about me, but maybe we are not on the same. We talk about marriage, but never specific. I am from one tribe he is from another. He says he can marry someone from my place. But again never specific. We have known each other for 4 years. Dated for a year. Is it to soon to talk about marriage? I want us to move in together and see how it can work. But how do you bring up such a conversation. I don't want to scare him away with commitment issues. I love him but have never told him.....

I am realistic to the point that I know it may not go anywhere. But because I have given myself physically I feel like I have gone so far to give up on us. We are still together but I want us to move to the next level.

Maybe I am scared he will reject me if I bring up such a serious topic. Tell me that he is not there in his life, or marriage is not an option, or marriage to me is not an option....

So many thoughts...

He just called me. We do the normal good morning babe... how are you? Lalalalalala

No substance lately. What am I doing? The smart thing to do is to cut my losses and move on. But I love him soooo much. I want a future for us, but does he?