Tuesday, August 19, 2008


Just the thought of him kissing me sends chills through me. A year ago I thought he was the most ideal man for me. Marriage material... The last couple of months have been hard for me. I want him. I know that he cares about me, but maybe we are not on the same. We talk about marriage, but never specific. I am from one tribe he is from another. He says he can marry someone from my place. But again never specific. We have known each other for 4 years. Dated for a year. Is it to soon to talk about marriage? I want us to move in together and see how it can work. But how do you bring up such a conversation. I don't want to scare him away with commitment issues. I love him but have never told him.....

I am realistic to the point that I know it may not go anywhere. But because I have given myself physically I feel like I have gone so far to give up on us. We are still together but I want us to move to the next level.

Maybe I am scared he will reject me if I bring up such a serious topic. Tell me that he is not there in his life, or marriage is not an option, or marriage to me is not an option....

So many thoughts...

He just called me. We do the normal good morning babe... how are you? Lalalalalala

No substance lately. What am I doing? The smart thing to do is to cut my losses and move on. But I love him soooo much. I want a future for us, but does he?


She is one of my good friends. I expect her to have my best interest at heart just as I would. I travelled to Brazil for summer break last year. During the break a guy that I had been dating long distance came in town. My girlfriend went out with him and a mutual friend. I heard about it from him. I didn't mind. I actually thought it was good. My girlfriend, the guy I am dating should all be cool( my take on it) I hear later that him and her were real "friendly" during the visit. Close sitting, dancing...... Still I think well people are going to always make something out of nothing.

A year and a half later me and the guy no longer even speak. Bottom line I dislike him very much. It is well known that I don't want to be contacted when he visits me in South Carolina. So 2 weeks ago he comes into town. Him, her and the mutual friend hang out all night. He even spends the night in her place because he was so tired. I heard about it 2 days ago. What the hell!!! Is this right. I ask her why would you even go out with him. She says that she was hanging with the mutual friend as well so there should not be a problem. Tears filled my eyes. I felt so betrayed. The guy I was dating meant a lot to me but really hurt me. She should not be cool with him. Just like I am not cool. With him. Who cares that we all met the same day with the mutual friend... I DATED HIM. I need you to cut ties as I have. That is just being loyal to your girl who has been loyal to you.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What to do?

This relationship is sooo confusing. The man is the type that is passionate about what they do for a living. Enjoys the occasional outing with his friends, so fun loving. Really just the guy you call on when you need something done. A great friend. So for a while him and her have been close. 3 years ago they tried to date. One evening after catching a movie they kissed. They realized the passion that had been brewing for each other. Of course they were dating other people, before the kiss. SO they decided they would try to date, but maybe not so exclusive. 3 months and it was just OK. They never passed the point of kissing on the intimacy side. Then he travels to his home country for Christmas. When he come back they just go back to friends. No conversation about what went wrong. She goes back to dating he does the same. They still hang out occasionally, talk about things that they use to. Friends as usual. 1 and a half years pass by. Then his birthday rolls around. She throws him a surprise birthday party. He is so shocked. Others are wondering why she would go out of her way to do something like this for just a friend. They decide to date again. November 2007 they make it official by being monogamous. At times she feels more like a friend than a lover. She voices her opinion but doesn't seem to break through to him. She cares so much for him. She is not sure if he is on the same level. She voices her opinion. She breaks up with him after every argument, but comes back and says she doesn't mean it. Confusion for no reason. She wants to feel like she is the most important part of his life. She wants to parade around with him on his arm at all outings. Especially in his community.
It finally hits the fan. They break up 2 days before she leaves to accept her new position out of state. He says they are having problems while she is in his local. How will they survive while she is gone.
Devastation!!!! That same evening they go to dinner. Kiss, watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. She is so confused. Should she have left out of town without hanging with him? They still talk everyday. Call each other baby.... Are they just better off as friends? They have always been low key in there relationship. Only 3-4 people know they are together another 5-6 speculate they are seeing each other. That was some of the problems she was having in the relationship. Does everyone need to know who you are dating for the relationship to be valid?

What do they do? Its not like they are friends with benefits. She loves him( has never told him). Wants to have a future with him. Well at least that is what she thinks now..

What should they do?

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

You need 2

I know it is hard to take care of one significant other but to have two seems like it has more benefits than disadvantages. Just think about it... When boyfriend A doesn't have time to hang out then you just call boyfriend B, and vice versa. When you need monetary assistance you can get it from both. Example.... you need 800.00 to pay your mortgage. Ask both for 800.00 most likely they are only going to give you half. SO by the time each gives you half you will have whole. Now the hard part is how you will balance how you give affection. The bottom line is that you should not have sex with multiple partners BUT if you feel the need make sure you wear protection. No need to make an OK situation bad. Then there is the thought of marriage. Since men are so unpredictable it is best to have options. Life is a dog eat dog world sometimes. Ladies you don't want to have wasted 3 years with one man in hopes of getting married only for him to say that he is still not ready in the end. There will be somethings in one of the guys that you like more and some things you hate the most. Having options is always good. That goes for men especially.
Just a thought.....