Monday, September 29, 2008

Dear XXXXXX

Do you know how hard it is for me to wake up each morning and not be upset with you. To accept your phone calls all in the name of friendship? How I fight with myself to stay strong and not let the fact that my heart is broken affect the way I interact with you as well as others? I am unhappy this morning because I cannot tell you that you are an asshole and are so emotionally unavailable. That you are selfish for allowing us to cross the friendship line and then so quickly leave me out to dry at the first sign of trouble. Do you know how lonely it is over here? Very f***n lonely. The easiest thing to do is to start dating another woman and lie to you and tell you that I am so consumed with work. Isn't that what you are doing? I visited this weekend and you had items of intercourse in your nightstand. For one year I never saw such items. Now all of a sudden you are fond of them. “I still care about you, you are just so difficult” how the hell does that sound to you? Like some bull…. I don’t want to be pissed off at you. I want us to laugh about how we thought a relationship could form from a 5 year friendship. I want to laugh but not now.. I am hurt, lonely and want you to console me. But because I am such a macho man I will swallow how I feel and still accept your phone calls and have meaningless conversation because I don’t want to sound like a wimp. We cry to…

Lyrics from Song Cry
[Jay-Z]
A face of stone, was shocked on the other end of the phone
Word back home is that you had a special friend
So what was oh so special then?
You have given away without gettin at me
That's your fault, how many times you forgiven me?
How was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
I know the way a ni**a livin was whack
But you don't get a ni**a back like that!
Sh*t I'm a man with pride, you don't do sh*t like that
You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that
You don't throw away what we had, just like that I was just fu**in them girls,
I was gon' get right back
They say you can't turn a bad girl good
But once a good girl's goin bad, she's gone forever.. And more forever
Sh*t I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever

[Chorus] I can't see 'em comin down my eyes So I gotta make the song cry
I can't see 'em comin down my eyes So I gotta let the song cry
I know I seen 'em comin down your eyes But I gotta make the song cry
I can't see 'em comin down my eyes So I gotta make the song cry

Sunday, September 28, 2008

All about shoes.

I Like:

Reese by Betsey Johnson at Zappos.com
Aubrey by Gabriella Rocha at Zappos.com

I want to buy so many shoes but no money....
The life of a student...
Anyway I want to share some of the ones I like. Just in case one of you out there want to be kind and send me a pair:)






Junk in the trunk

In order to move forward in any endeavour you have to remove the "junk from your trunk" listening to Bishop TD Jakes that message really stood out to me. Not only am I guilty of taking load with me, sooo many of the people around me do the same. I wonder why? We know what did not work in a previous relationship (not just man/woman relationship but also work.) Yet we keep carrying those bad habits with us. Lets us focus on cleaning out our trunks. Throw out the snappy mood, nasty behavior, uncontrollable gossip, put away those old pictures, those items that will trigger some memorable occasions. If you really want to move on this is the key. Bishop TD Jakes made reference to the The Greek mythology story of Sisyphus. He was cursed to roll a huge boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll down again, and to repeat this throughout eternity. This is sort of what alot of us do. Go through one situation with someone and then move to the next one doing the same thing. We keep rolling that same boulder up the hill and never getting over the hill. I hope I am explaining it properly( it made sense to me:)) Anyway that being said, what I took from the message is leave the baggage, and move forward load free.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

hmm

Evey time I see a car like his I get pissed. When I think of something he use to do that was unique but silly I smile. My emotions are on a uncontrollable roll-a-coaster. I want to get off. I don’t know how…. I want to honestly. I stay busy with work but it still doesn’t help. I date, but at the end I still think about him. We both did bad things in the relationship. His own was just unforgivable. I actually even thought I could deal with the discretion. With time I learned that I could not. SO I left. Left with all my possessions that I had in the home we shared for close to a decade. Now I regret it…. I am emotionally lonely. His discretion has now come to live with him after only 3 months. She vomited another human being out from there discretion. She says she wont have a place to stay and she will now move to New Jersey to stay with relatives. He doesn’t want that…. SO his discretion is moving in. Ready sex on command. I hat the two of them. Her for being so desperate that she chases a man steady for so many years. Him for being so weak that he falls. Even with all that hate I still miss him. I know there is a part of me that says I should not have left…. I should have stayed… Heck I am wondering if I need to pursue the possibilities of going back..

And the winner is ....?


John McCain


Substance: His arguments were hard to follow at the beginning, but he found his voice as the debate progressed, although he never seemed fully in control of his message. He had plenty to say about the economy, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Russia, but often bogged down his own answers when trying to unfurl quips and soundbites. Stuck with bumper sticker slogans on the economy, and while he got a bit more detailed on foreign policy, he stayed at his usual level of abstraction. If he truly knows more about the world than Obama, he didn't show it in this debate.
Grade: B-
Style: Cluttered, jumpy, and often muddled. Frequent coughing early on helped neither his arguments nor his image. Jokes about being deaf and anecdotes about Normandy and George Shultz seemed ill-advised - even his pen was old. His presentation was further hindered by his wandering discussion of the differing heights of North and South Koreans and his angry assertion about how well he knows Henry Kissinger. Fell into the classic politician's trap of inserting familiar stump speech applause lines into debate responses - which only works if done with enthusiasm and clarity (and if received by applause - a big No-No in Lehrer's auditorium, which the audience obeyed seriously and silently). Keenly aware of the grand, grave occasion, McCain wavered between respectful and domineering, and ended up awkward and edgy.
Grade: C-
Offense: Emphasized his bread and butter issues of taxes and spending, and hit Obama on his failure to visit Iraq and his expressed willingness to meet with dictators. But while mocking his opponent on a few occasions, which reflected his acute disrespect for Obama, he did so in an insufficiently sharp and detailed manner - and unevenly worked elements of his rival's record into his attacks. Still he was utterly confident about his own experience, knowledge, and policies, even when tripped by his own tongue and distracted by the strains of debate practice. The main problem: Obama's obvious preparation and sharp answers contradicted McCain's frequent claims that the Democrat was uninformed and "didn't understand" key issues.
Grade: C+
Defense: He managed to ignore most of Obama's jibes, but was eventually baited into giving an extended answer about his policy differences with President Bush, after his opponent repeatedly mentioned McCain's regular support of Bush's budgets. Was visibly riled when clashing with Obama over a variety of issues, including Iraq, sanctions, and spending. He also chose to boast about Sarah Palin (although not by name) as his maverick partner, who, after her shaky week, may no longer be his ace in the hole.
Grade: B-
Overall: McCain was McCain - evocative, intense, and at times emotional, but also vague, elliptical, and atonal. Failed to deliver his "country first versus Obama first" message cleanly, even when offered several opportunities. Surprisingly, did not talk much about "change," virtually ceding the dominant issue of the race.
Overall grade: B- (Read Mark Halperin's take on Barack Obama's performance)

Barack Obama
Substance: Quite manifestly immersed in the past, present, and future details of policy, and eager to express his views, which have been expanded, honed, and solidified during the last 18 months of hard campaigning. Still, he did avoid the nitty-gritty details of policy positions in favor of broad principles and references to working Americans, thereby not presenting the kind of specifics that some voters are waiting to hear from him.
Grade: B+
Style: Polished, confident, focused. Fully prepared, and able to convey a real depth of knowledge on nearly every issue. He was unhurried, and rarely lost his train of thought even when the debate wended and winded - and uttered far fewer of his trademark, distracting, "ums." At times, however, Obama revealed the level of his preparation by faltering over a rehearsed answer. He seemed to deliberately focus on the moderator and the home audience, with McCain as an afterthought - except when on the attack. Chose to avoid humor, for the most part, in favor of a stern demeanor, and in the process, came off as cool as a cucumber.
Grade: A
Offense: Linking McCain to Bush in his very first answer, he kept it up as his primary line of attack. Forcefully hit McCain for his early support of the Iraq War. Though he never drew blood, he did keep McCain a bit off balance, often with clever references to McCain's recent statements.
Grade: B
Defense: Had a reasonable answer for every charge that came his way - with little anger, bluster, or anxiety. Often interrupting McCain attacks with swift explanations and comebacks, he managed to spin accusations of being liberal as evidence of his relentless opposition to George Bush (in replies that were clearly planned). Offered a rather clumsy alternative to McCain's well-known, moving story of wearing the bracelet of a soldier lost in Iraq (a gift from the soldier's mother), with a story about a bracelet of his own. Fearless, without condescension, he attempted the gracious move of agreeing with or complimenting a McCain position, occasionally to his own detriment.
Grade: A-
Overall: Went for a solid, consistent performance to introduce himself to the country. He did not seem nervous, tentative, or intimidated by the event, and avoided mistakes from his weak debate performances during nomination season (a professorial tone and long winded answers). Standing comfortably on the stage with his rival, he showed he belonged - evocative of Reagan, circa 1980. He was so confident by the end that he reminded his biggest audience yet that his father was from Kenya. Two more performances like that and he will be very tough to beat on Election Day.
Overall grade: A-

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


I am sick of haters!!!! Now I understand why it is best to keep men as friends instead of envious chicks. It is very sad when someone does not want to see you progress. Friends should always want to see you progress. It is not by force that we all move at the same pace. Life is, what it is. Today I may move 2 steps ahead, next week you may move 10. We are not suppose to be keeping up with petty stuff like that. I look up to people who are succeeding in life whether spiritually, financially, emotionally. I dont feel jealous of his/her success. I appreciate that the individual is around me and that maybe I can learn something from them.


Chicks get it together

Who's side should u be on?


What do you do when your parents are no longer together? How do you balance all the imbalances? Its hard trying to be happy for both of them and support both of there views. Your father is mad that your mom has left the house and gotten a loft in Alpharetta like she is 25 years old. He has problems working a full day and coming home to cook for himself. You as the child could come by and cook for him, but your own husband will miss his dinner when he gets home. Then you hear your father praying to a higher being wishing bad luck on your mother. What do you do? Do you bust down the door and stop him in the middle of prayer and advice him that he should not have such a bad mind about your mother? Or do you step back and think, that was his wife..... What if my husband did something like that to me? I am pretty sure I would not wish him happiness in his next relationship... Isn't he someones child, and father? Seems like such a hard thing to deal with. What to do?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Emotional

This roller coaster is getting very hectic. Tired of the up and down. No one is forcing fer to subject herself to the emotional pitfalls. This guy is oblivious to the emotions that are needed to be in a committed relationship. She thought that she was carrying his child at one time. He was overly concerned..... She felt like he wanted to move forward (marriage) in the next year. Then one day they have an argument and call it quits. No in between, just quits. She stopped coming around they talked a couple of times but eventually they have just stopped talking. Somewhere in her mind she wants them to get back together. See that they really had a connection. Does not look like it is going to happen. He will go on and marry someone from his town and she will still be wondering why. She calls for clarification on why did it end like this... He has no real answer. He is pretty much done, but wants to be friends. That's bulls*** Why is she subjecting herself to more tears. 10 months does not seem like a long time but it really did a number on her. She has always loved him. Friends for more than 4 years. Why did she even cross the friends line? It is a very hard line to come back over. Time is a very important thing...u need it to get over a broken heart. Indulge yourself in work... think about the positive things. Don't think that he used you and made you that "in the meantime" lover. He may really care. But if you are not meshing then it is not by force. That's life we have to all deal with it, some with more tears than others.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Just a thought....

Eveytime I see a car like his I get pissed. When I think of something he use to do that was unique but silly I smile. My emotions are on a uncontrollable roll-a-coaster. I want to get off. I don’t know how…. I want to honestly. I stay busy with work but it still doesn’t help. I date, but at the end I still think about him. We both did bad things in the relationship. His own was just unforgivable. I actually even thought I could deal with the discretion. With time I learned that I could not. SO I left. Left with all my possessions that I had in the home we shared for close to a decade. Now I regret it…. I am emotionally lonely. His discretion has now come to live with him after only 3 months. She vomited another human being out from there discretion. She says she wont have a place to stay and she will now move to New Jersey to stay with relatives. He doesn’t want that…. SO his discretion is moving in. Ready sex on command. I hat the two of them. Her for being so desperate that she chases a man steady for so many years. Him for being so weak that he falls. Even with all that hate I still miss him. I know there is a part of me that says I should not have left…. I should have stayed… Heck I am wondering if I need to pursue the possibilities of going back..

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

You left me!!

He let the baby mother move in.!!!. She heard the news from her brother. They have been separated for only 3 months, and he let the baby mother move in... So disappointing... Hurt, shame, regret are the feelings that was running through her. When she heard the news she was with her current date. She could not hide the disappointment. She stayed up until 3am crying. Who was she going to call to express how horrible she feels? No one. People in her community did not know why one day she left him. I guess they assumed they had enough of the off and on relationship that has spanned 6 years. She sent the ex a text saying she hopes he is happy now, he has gotten what he wanted. All he could say is "You left me". Should she have left? Would she be happy with him? Would she be able to handle him having a child by another woman? I guess she will never know. All she knows is that right now she misses him, and wishes she was the one waking up to him every morning.