Not a bit easier

The days are not getting easier. How can it? There is no real closure. I dont know the real reason why I have lost someone so dear to me. The doctors cannot give us a straight answer. I dont know....
How am I handling this? Well I have always been a loner, so unfortunately I am unable to really open up to those around me. The other day a couple of ladies came over for intervention. They cautioned me about sitting in the house and lamenting of the lost. That I need to really talk to them.
I just dont feel like it.... I dont want to really talk to anyone because it just makes me cry and think harder. I am too young to develop high blood pressure. This pain is cancerous... it just eats at me. My mood is the worst now. I am snappy and I dont want to be. I know people are reaching out because they want to help but...I just dont feel like being bothered. I see the pain in my mothers eyes. She wakes and sleeps with tears and prayers. My faith has been rocked. I dont know what to say to my God. I have asked for strength for me and my family. Even if I am given strength I still do not have my brother. The person who will tell me "it will be aight". I dont have it.
I am trying to go through the motions of life. I know he would not want me to sit and let life pass me. He lived in the moment. Did what he needed to do with as little stress as possible. I am picturing his layed back stroll. Need a break...tears....

Life

I have not been myself. I don't think I will ever be myself. It has been a month and 14 days since I lost my brother. Such a young man. I'm made at life. They way things work out for the most innocent people. Just not sure what to do. I miss him so much. I wake every morning and see his picture. His smile that looks like a smirk. His o so cool stroll. Life....Where do you go from here?

Mardi Gras!!!

Why is Mardi Gras such a big deal? Those who follow this celebration are really hyped up. I can just imagine how I-10 looks right now. Classmates have gotten there hair done and are on there way to partake in the festivities. I have been to Mardi Gras about 3 times and I do not know what all the fuss is about. I have done some googling and have found out the Mardi Gras literally means Fat Tuesday. It is the day right before Ash Wednesday, which signifies the beginning of Lent. It is traditionally the last day for Catholics to indulge before the fast. Mardi Gras is the feast before the fast. So can I presume that Mardi Gras is a Catholic holiday? Anyway, its very interesting that the background of Mardi Gras come from a religion. Considering all the booze, and flashing that goes on.

Abacha loses ownership of multi-million naira estate in Port Harcourt Written by Ise-Oluwa Ige Monday, February 16, 2009

ABUJA—The Supreme Court, last Friday, dismissed an appeal by the Administrator of the Estate of late Head of State, General Mohammed Sani Abacha, challenging the judicial annulment of the deceased’s right of occupancy to a piece of land in Port-Harcourt on which he built a multi-million naira edifice.
Late General Mohammed Sani Abacha

That was after the five-member panel of the Supreme Court had restored the disputed land to its original owner, Mr Samuel David Eke-Spiff. The land is located on Plot 228 Diobu, GRA, Phase 11 in Port-Harcourt. Eke-Spiff was a Permanent Secretary in the Rivers State Government before he retired from service.

http://odili.net/news/source/2009/feb/16/306.html

Today, I was late for everything. I started out on time but a doctors appointment messed up my whole day. I missed my first class, then I was 2 seconds late for my second class. As I walked in he had just called my name.
I was thrown off the whole day. I left school early and came home to take a nap. I have not spoken to my loved ones, and now I cannot sleep because of my midday siesta. I need to wake up at 630 am and it is now 1230.....
Blah, blah, blah....I could be reading one of the many cases so that I can be on point in the morning but I refuse to get up and open a Con Law book. I am sure I will think of something interesting to write about or I will fall asleep

Happy Valentines

Since the 28th of January I have been in a balloon. Enchanting love, new experiences, romantic trips, and rest( well of course some studying). I do not want the bubble to burst. Like all things it must soon come to an end. The 27th is fast approaching....


Anyway, I received a text message from one of my friends that said " I hope your day is filled with all the love you deserve." I thought that was a little weird. Is love something that you have to earn? I feel like everyone should have love in abundance. We should not be looking to get qualified for love. Love can come from all types of places. The first place it should come from is yourself. So on this day full of love, let us love ourself first. I know that is what we deserve.

Happy Valentines Day