What to do?

This relationship is sooo confusing. The man is the type that is passionate about what they do for a living. Enjoys the occasional outing with his friends, so fun loving. Really just the guy you call on when you need something done. A great friend. So for a while him and her have been close. 3 years ago they tried to date. One evening after catching a movie they kissed. They realized the passion that had been brewing for each other. Of course they were dating other people, before the kiss. SO they decided they would try to date, but maybe not so exclusive. 3 months and it was just OK. They never passed the point of kissing on the intimacy side. Then he travels to his home country for Christmas. When he come back they just go back to friends. No conversation about what went wrong. She goes back to dating he does the same. They still hang out occasionally, talk about things that they use to. Friends as usual. 1 and a half years pass by. Then his birthday rolls around. She throws him a surprise birthday party. He is so shocked. Others are wondering why she would go out of her way to do something like this for just a friend. They decide to date again. November 2007 they make it official by being monogamous. At times she feels more like a friend than a lover. She voices her opinion but doesn't seem to break through to him. She cares so much for him. She is not sure if he is on the same level. She voices her opinion. She breaks up with him after every argument, but comes back and says she doesn't mean it. Confusion for no reason. She wants to feel like she is the most important part of his life. She wants to parade around with him on his arm at all outings. Especially in his community.
It finally hits the fan. They break up 2 days before she leaves to accept her new position out of state. He says they are having problems while she is in his local. How will they survive while she is gone.
Devastation!!!! That same evening they go to dinner. Kiss, watch a movie and cuddle on the couch. She is so confused. Should she have left out of town without hanging with him? They still talk everyday. Call each other baby.... Are they just better off as friends? They have always been low key in there relationship. Only 3-4 people know they are together another 5-6 speculate they are seeing each other. That was some of the problems she was having in the relationship. Does everyone need to know who you are dating for the relationship to be valid?

What do they do? Its not like they are friends with benefits. She loves him( has never told him). Wants to have a future with him. Well at least that is what she thinks now..

What should they do?

You need 2

I know it is hard to take care of one significant other but to have two seems like it has more benefits than disadvantages. Just think about it... When boyfriend A doesn't have time to hang out then you just call boyfriend B, and vice versa. When you need monetary assistance you can get it from both. Example.... you need 800.00 to pay your mortgage. Ask both for 800.00 most likely they are only going to give you half. SO by the time each gives you half you will have whole. Now the hard part is how you will balance how you give affection. The bottom line is that you should not have sex with multiple partners BUT if you feel the need make sure you wear protection. No need to make an OK situation bad. Then there is the thought of marriage. Since men are so unpredictable it is best to have options. Life is a dog eat dog world sometimes. Ladies you don't want to have wasted 3 years with one man in hopes of getting married only for him to say that he is still not ready in the end. There will be somethings in one of the guys that you like more and some things you hate the most. Having options is always good. That goes for men especially.
Just a thought.....

Im BACK

SO I have been out of the loop for a couple of weeks. Mainly because I was on a much needed vacation from work. So I was not always in front of the computer. Now that I am back what do I have to talk about......?......
Men... still not worth my breath
Friends...Good thing I have a real one
Family.. very draining, but I love them
Work.. still not what I like waking up to do
My hair... I cut it ALL off. I want to do something new for law school
Wigs... not yet comfortable with my boldness, so I am going in between
Godmother.. I am a new godmother to Miss Ayama, I am very proud to be there for her.
Ok I am sure there is more to say but since I am back to work these people are harassing me:)

Monday

Today will be a good day no matter what stupid some magazines publish. Yes the stock market is bad, banks are being rescued by the FDIC, elections are in a couple of months, but the New Yorker wants to publish "satire" Bull****.

Enough on that subject. I was listening to a song, well not really listening, moving to the beat. While listening to it, my cousin asked me why would I like such a song. "Bust It Baby" by Plies has a very good beat, but the words are horrible. I guess it means that I like a lot of songs that I do not know what they are singing/rapping about.

I'm just writing to avoid snapping on the New Yorker. I have already sent my email. The bad thing is that the picture is already in the eyes of the public.
BAD JOURNALISM

This song makes me think... I like it so much!!

India Arie-The Heart Of The Matter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJb_Sq7_jjo&feature=related

Click on the link. I don't know how to add videos just yet to this blog spot.:)

What do you think?

Scenario:

Girlfriend and boyfriend. Been in a relationship for 9 months. She mostly sleeps over his house. They have mutual friends. Not everyone knows they are in a relationship because they were friends for a couple of years before becoming monogamous. They like it like that. One weekend boyfriend goes out of town and leaves the key with one of there married mutual friends. When boyfriend comes back from out of town he finds out that mutual friend brought a bunch of people over hung out, slept with another girl in boyfriends room. Boyfriend says he was shocked and upset. But girlfriend does not believe that he is shocked. As mutual friends she knows that this type of situation has happened before just not during the time they have dated. Girlfriend is pissed because she feels it is disrespectful to her as his girlfriend. Even though they do not live together, does she have grounds? I feel she does. The boyfriend needs to grow a backbone and stand up to his friend and warn him that the behavior is unacceptable. Unless on the other hand he does not value the relationship. What do you think?

Loving yourself

They say it all the time. You cannot expect anyone to love you if you cannot love yourself. When you think about it, this should come natural to anyone but what I see is that it maybe harder to some than others. What are the steps to loving yourself? I heard a joke by Kat Williams that I really thought about ( I know your thinking Kat Williams?!?) If you as a woman has reached 24-25 and to you every guy that you have ever dealt with is not sh** then maybe there is something wrong with you. That comment can be true. Maybe as women we are seeking out the wrong type of men because we really do not know what we want or what is our worth. This goes directly back to learning to love and understand yourself. Most importantly we need to learn what it means to be an independent as a single lady. I encourage us all to take a step back and think about this….