I have been trying to heal with each day. I spent 8 weeks in Europe and Nigeria and things are not better. I'm the type that likes the quick fix. Do not like to stay mad to long, don't want to mourn to long. However, this was my bros!! So dear to me. The days I spend in the company of others makes it easier to block the pain. Other days I cry uncontrollably. Now that I am around my mother it is worst. You see how the pain has taken a tole on her. Our smiles use to brighten up the room. Now they are just there. Its sad when a death in the family makes family members drift apart. We are suppose to be coming together. But everyone is dealing with the pain the best way they know how.

Me on the other hand do not feel like being bothered. I am trying to keep my relationship with my man above water because I know I want him in my life and this pain will one day subside. But I know it is hard on him. My moods fluctuate dramatically. One day I am laughing with him the next day I am being malicious. As far as my girlfriends and cousins.... well those relationships are barely in existent. I try to email at least. Because like my man, I really want them to be there. Its not like I have so many friends. I just hope they understand.

As for school... well it was by Gods grace that I am still above a 3.0. In law school it is important to be in the top of the class, especially since I plan to work at a large firm for at least 2 years.

My organization... well I want to forget about giving back to my community. That's on the days I am mad. Other days I know that if I sit back and say "it is someone elses responsibility" I will live to regret it. So I will strive each day to fight the urge to give up on all my dreams.

The sad thing is life keeps moving. I know FSCBone would not want me to fail out of law school, abandon an organization that he helped create, not get married and be without friends. But anytime an ounce of happiness is felt in my heart sadness over powers it and I am sad again.

Uwem emi....